Medical Sadism

This is one of my less inspiring (the content, I mean) posts, but I need to vent

Another (bad) day.  Seems like they are more the norm now.  My body is almost completely dead from the waist down.  My legs and feet are leaden, when I can feel them at all.  So it’s not wonder my bowels have stopped working….entirely.

I cannot eliminate without a steady infusion of prescription Miralax (probably the same as OTC but my policy pays for it) and even that doesn’t work some times.  There is this new shot now (I wrote about it before I think) but seven doses is over 100 bucks….I need to check and see if my doctor can request from my Medicare provider that I need it.

And I’m beyond frustrated…tried to get into the clinic at the “U” for gastro problems, and my referral “expired” on 15^th of this month…I said, well, it’s only the 3^rd and I’m calling…she said no, you have to be seen before then, and we have no openings until May.  So I have to call the doc who referred me to ask him to refer me again….he can extend the referral, but I have to keep calling to find out which one he did…extend or re refer.  It’s sadistic.  It really is.  The hoops they make you jump through when they know you are a patient there with a medical file the size of every phone book in the US.  There is no other word for it.  And of course, I couldn’t reach the referring doc…just got a recording for heaven’s sake.  I’m losing my mind.  And my body.

I am so near tears it’s ridiculous.  I keep praying for someone to come and help me; don’t want to ask my family, they have their own problems.  I just want someone to move in here and take care of me, period.  I can’t do it anymore.  I mean, I CAN, I just am exhausted.   I wear a brace at night and my legs seem to be better in the morning, but when I lay on the couch, flat….they go numb.  So I’m trying to lay around on my side and wear the brace during the day too.

So now, with the “never will come back” bowel issue (I’m not being negative: I have always eaten very, very healthily with the exception of sugar, which I now have given up…I won’t buy anything with more than 10 gms of sugar in it…and I gave up juice, the hardest thing for me to do).  I have yet another part of my body that has disappeared.  I drink literally, 3 to 4 64 oz. of water (in a bottle  I refill) every day.  That’s 192 oz. of water…and all that fruit….the normal person won’t be able to come out of the bathroom all day.  Me?  Nada.  Well, pee.

I also heard about this diet (not to lose weight) called “Specific Carbohydrates Diet” that supposedly helps with everything from digestive issues to certain kinds of pain.    I looked it up…doesn’t look that much different from what I already do, except no sugar at all…right now, I allow myself 70% dark chocolate, and cookies that are less than 10 gms of sugar.  But hey, it’s better then what I was doing which I am to embarrassed to write about.  Let’s just say it probably is as much to blame for my problems as the opiates.  I’m also concerned about my BP and heart rate.  Sugar is really bad for those things too, but I have been lucky (thus far) and always had low BP…well, it’s not anymore….I know pain causes the BP to go up, but I’ve always been in pain and it’s always been low.  Go figure.  Okay, enough

Stick a fork in me, I’m done.