Tuesday, April 17, 2012
I actually got into the Digestive Diseases Clinic at the University of Washington today, after that horrific experience I had scheduling the appointment. They had a cancellation. I met with Dr.Rahul Kuver, who was wonderful! It feels so good to write a positive experience with a doctor. Most of my experiences at the U, while not horrible, are not always very satisfying either, and until today, I didn’t understand exactly why. I mean, all of the staff and most of the doctors are kind and very accommodating when it comes to my issues (needing to lay down, etc.), but it's frustrating not to get answers. As I always write, doctors heal, and if we can't be healed, they want to move to someone they can heal. I get that. Still, a few extra minutes explaining things makes all the difference in the world!!
Dr. Kuver spent a lot of time explaining to me exactly why my bowels are giving me such a hard time, and even connected the dots between that and my sudden increase in blood pressure and pulse rate. He said it’s all part of the same system. While it’s depressing that nothing can be done about it, he did say that I could take Miralax everyday with no problem, because there isn’t anything bad in it (which I knew, but it was nice to hear). He was gentle, patient and detailed in his explanation of my situation.
While I didn’t exactly feel like jumping for joy, at least I got answers from someone who truly seemed to care. Plus he was really good looking. Too bad I’m old enough to be his mother (and he was married). But I never notice those things anymore because I feel so old, ugly and damaged. That’s why I never settled with anyone. It use to be young, ugly and damaged. I need to re-read “Bumps of Beauty” which I wrote 12 years ago. I’m not one to take my own advice, I guess.
I guess I knew that my bowels have now become neurogenic, just like my bladder. So now I have yet another issue to monitor daily. And since it always feels like I have to empty my bowels, leaving home for long periods is out of the question. One more thing. One more thing. One more thing. And another one bites the dust (system). I thought emptying my bowels would lower my blood pressure, but nooooooooooo. And I have high cholesterol too.
People often say they would like to die in their sleep. Just drift off and never wake up. To me, that would be scary. I had this nightmare last night that someone I know was trying to kill me. I sometimes think that dying in your sleep would be like that; a nightmare you can’t wake up from….and if you’re dead, it would be an eternity of not waking up from the nightmare. That’s stretching it, I know. Still, I think I want to see it coming. Or maybe not. Sigh.
Posted by Sherri at 5:58 PM