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Sunday, January 27, 2013

Tap, tap, tap

My posts read like a roller-coaster of emotions.  Guess that makes sense, given how I feel most of the time. One day of feeling like the pain was a 3 instead of an 8 or 9, and I’m giddy.  And as much as I’m thankful for it and believe me, I am, the fear of the pain returning is always tickling me in the back of my head.  More like tapping.  Like a crow does.  Tap, tap, tap….hello there, Sherri, don’t forget about me!  I’m just taking a little rest.  I’ll be back!  I’ll give it this: it keeps its promises.  Back indeed.

I have a two-hour dental appointment tomorrow which I am dreading because my gastro problems are huge right now….and of course, Pam is unavailable tomorrow.  Has a class.  They are sending someone else which I wouldn’t have asked for if not for the appointment.  It’s funny, because the exact same thing happened last month.  Pam had a class, I had a dentist appointment.  New crown.  I need two, but I told them to do the worst one first.  I have to make the appointments the day after my new patch is on, and finding two hours isn’t easy, so it takes a while to get the appointment.  Cannot cancel.  Don’t know why I’m even bothering.  I guess I don’t want my teeth to fall out.

A good friend of mine has a loving cat that she has to put down tomorrow.  Poor thing…got sick very suddenly and is very sick.  I said a bunch of prayers for him last night and pictured him getting better slowly.  But this morning he wasn’t any better.  This is when my NF woes really kick in.  I want to hop in my car and go see my friend.  I want to be with her when she puts George (her cat) down.  I’ve been with her for that with other cats, and she with me.  She does have someone going with her, but it saddens and angers me that it’s not an option for me.  Not. An. Option.  Like so many things in my life.  Yadda yadda. Sorry, pity potty moment.

My sister and I cancelled our visit today….neither one of us was feeling well and I said let’s just re-schedule this.  No date yet, but hopefully, later in the week   And I spoke with my dad just now.  He’s hurting a lot (spinal stenosis) and is 1600 miles away and I’m angry I can’t hop on a plane and go see him.  

G-d grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

If it weren’t for the fact that that is the credo for people in recovery, I’d say “Let’s drink to that!”


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