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Friday, February 24, 2012

Worrier or Warrior?

I haven’t accessed my “helpers” for a time.  I’ve written about them here, somewhere.  I could use them now.  I see them clearly; both grandmothers, though mostly my dad’s mother; my own mom, an aunt, and “little Sherri” who is about six or seven.  She’s a great help.  Remember the “inner child” craze?   I use to call it my inner brat, but she’s not.  She’s sweet, loving and makes me feel safe.
Everyone has a little them on the inside.  Try and access anyone you know who has passed.  Someone you loved and trusted while they were living.  It’s simple.  Just sit very quietly and think of them.  That is it.  There is nothing “to do”  It’s one of those “to be” things, not a to do thing.  Picture them and take whatever comes up.  Do not judge it, do not tell yourself it’s stupid, etc.  Take the first thing that comes to mind.
Taking the first thing that comes to mind is helpful in many situations.   Remember, the louder the voice, the more judgmental, the less you should listen to it.  It’s the quiet voice with the most wisdom and power.  And the beauty of it is this: the more you honor it, the more the judgmental voice will slip into the background and the wise voice will be in the forefront.  But you need to start honoring it, listening to it and trusting it.
THIS IS NOT THE SAME AS HEARING VOICES THAT TELL YOU TO HURT YOURSELF.  It’s the opposite.  If you think you should hurt yourself, get some help.
But if it’s just the day to day stuff about NF (or anything else) that has you stuck, try seeking help from the other side…or the inside!!
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A worrier, or a warrior, which one am I?  Well, it depends on the day, of course.  And lately, my days have me in the worrier category.  I want to be upbeat, especially for those new to NF who want a little encouragement instead of a lot of complaining.   But I am worried about my digestive tract, which is getting worse all the time.  Going three weeks without…going….isn’t good.  And nothing helps.  I go through phases, but this one seems to be lasting a lot longer then normal.
So let’s dream a little.  What would you be, if you weren’t ‘grounded’ by NF?   I have many fantasies about what I’d be, but in addition to being well, I’d have to be 30 years younger.  Oh well, that’s where the word “fantasy” comes in, right?
For instance, I started watching (but quit…nothing but books keeps my attention) a movie about a bounty hunter (job).  That looks cool.  But again, she’s in her twenties.  Tough, smart, sharp, physical strong and well.  And she carries a gun.  Well.
A  doctor.  Neurosurgeon.  Guess that one is pretty obvious, eh?     
A  Lawyer.  Mostly because I have a friend going through something challenging right now and needs counsel that she can ill afford.
My favorite:  A LOTTERY WINNER!  Here’s the deal.  I have spent time (not a lot…I did it twice in my life) writing down exactly how much I win, how much I keep (setting up a medical trust) how much to live on, and the rest would be given away; to friends, to family and to charities.  I firmly believe it would be my duty to help others, should I be blessed enough to win a significant amount of money.  
On the other hand, my biggest fantasies are about how I’d help once I get HOME, or attaining powers here on Earth.  Earthly  powers include all the usual; invisibility, flying, second sight (I actually have that but I have to access it during meditation and I sometimes can’t do it).
I realize these are crossover fantasies; all the unearthly powers “on the other side” being available here.   But that’s the fun of it all, right?  Once on the other side, I’d come back as an angel, helping those in need, mostly those I know.  Helping the suffering, the sick, the persecuted, etc.  Maybe I could do that on the other side, too.

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