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Monday, February 13, 2012

Truthful Lies

While being truthful has always been important to me, being totally honest about my pain and the challenges of my NF doesn’t seem the way to go.  Hence, I lie a bit.  Part of the problem for me is that I live alone and am isolated a lot.  This is a sore spot with my family and me; they want me to move closer to them…but the truth is, everything else that is important to me is close to where I now live.  And I’d be more isolated if I lived closer to them, and they are so busy all the time it wouldn’t make a lick of difference anyway. 
So here are our choices, the way I see it.  We either tell the truth and risk alienating people because it’s scary for them to watch and to hear about and we know that, so we sometimes choose plan B, which is to lie through our teeth and if we can, if we are mobile enough, get ourselves to our doctor appointments, get our own groceries, etc.   That is getting more difficult, but still doable.  I just need to plan, and knowing that my “good” days are few, make sure I get everything I need when I’m feeling well enough to do so.   So the truth is, we’re okay, we can take care of ourselves (so far)  but we keep some to ourselves because it’s scary  to think someone will put us away somewhere, whether that’s logical or not.  My question is this:  If you are so worried, why not call more often?  Just a thought.

My previous post was about my couch.  I got a new one which is being delivered Tuesday, and I gave away the other one; it’s all happening the same day so no “down” time without a couch.  I guess I should say no “up” time!  In the end, my brother and sister in law did pay for about half of it.  I still feel bad asking for help….I don’t just feel bad, I hate it with a passion.  But I’m on my back all the time and the thing is falling apart and my lower back is starting to hurt.  No more pain, please!   While I’m writing this I’m watching “Vertigo” on Netfilx streaming.   I still read a book a week, but I use to read two, sometimes three.  That was before streaming!!  I love these old movies and am thankful it’s cheap to do this.  Something tells me the honeymoon is coming to a close.  I hope not!

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