Another Life?

I saw my pain doctor on Tuesday, and as is the process, I always talk to someone else first; usually someone who is in training and are in the “pain management” rotation…or, it’s something they really want to do.  Either way, it’s frustrating to start with the big bang (the very beginning) each time I go in and it’s a new face, full of questions.   But he asked me something I’ve been thinking about since I was there, and it’s now Friday.  So I have given the question lots of thought.

He asked me what I would be doing if it weren’t for my disorder and the pain.  I stopped short and replied, “I have no idea.  I have given up imagining another life”    For the most part, that is true.  But the greater truth is this:  I would not trade my life for any other.  I would not have it any other way, painful as it is.  And why?  Because it’s mine.  It’s my life, my painting, my adventure and my Karma.  I need to do the best I can with what I have.  We all do.  I mentioned this to someone once and they accused me of lying to myself.  Or maybe, I just have given up on life.  But I don’t think so. If I gave up on life, I wouldn’t be here.  And believe me, I have thought about the alternative.  Until I start thinking about my gift, which is my life, however it looks.  We're all travelers on this lonely road.

Today my new helper (Pam) came for the second time.  The first was Wednesday.  She works hard; she’s nice and really puts a lot of effort out for me.  I like her, I have no complaints (she’s a bit scattered, but she’s getting to know me and my routine so that will pass) but she’s not Amanda. I miss Amanda.  She’s in the process of applying to DSHS as an independent, and if that happens, I’d like to switch to her and stop using the agency that fired her.  I’ve talked to her a few times since it happened, and (this is one of the reasons I like her so much) she is just “on to the next” with high spirits, a good attitude and looking forward to everything she’ll have to do to get started.  I offered to help her with her web site and all that goes into setting one up  I don’t know a lot: I know how to blog, but this is different.  But I know enough so that the two of us can figure it out.  She’s very bright, too.  Pity.  Oh well, they’re loss.  And a big one at that.

With what’s left of today, I need to lie perfectly still.  My “remedy” worked great on Tuesday, but I have been backed up since.  I’ve been taking the Miralax again….it will clear up, no worries.  Meanwhile, I had a day from heck.  I ordered some vacuum filters on line and they sent the wrong ones.  I sent it back (so far, 24 bucks in shipping fees) and they sent me the same ones again!!!  And, when I did an online chat and gave them the model of the vacuum (a hand held one) they insisted I have the right one, even though it doesn’t fit.  Stupid doesn’t begin to describe it.  NEVER buy a Shark product.  You can’t find anything for them in any department store, NOR online.   I finally went to an Oreck store today and they actually took the shark, the wrong filters, and credited me $50 off the purchase.  It was still an expensive vacuum, but I need something besides my push vacuum.  The only thing I don’t like is it has bags.  But you don’t change them often, nor do you change the filters often.  And the store is nearby.  Whew.