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Friday, July 6, 2012

Yelling at the Stars

Here’s a thought:   This morning, after my sweet maintenance man from our building (he really is a doll) came by to move my car for me (they are paving and I can’t hoof back) I noticed I couldn’t find my cell phone.  Anywhere.  And I knew it wasn’t in my car because I hadn’t been in it for a while.  Then I remembered I actually went in the back seat to get something last night and I had the phone with me.  I had looked high and low before the memory came back.  A friend had come by and took me to the mailbox.  I had it then.  So I had two places to look.    Before calling Verizon to put a hold on my phone, I was ridiculously upset.  In front of the woman who helps me and who, until this point, thought I was fun and easy to be with.  She saw an ugly side to me today.

So here’s the thing.  I noticed I got AS UPSET about the stupid phone as my MRI.  Almost zero difference, except the phone thing was a shorter upset.  I started to think about our emotions, and how it really doesn’t matter what the issue is, whether it’s serious or banal, we do what we do unless we become aware.  See, whether it was a potential scary news about my MRI (won’t get started on what I consider to be “good news” but you get the idea) or a lost phone, we can go out at night, shake our fists to the sky and yell our brains out at the starts.  Then watch to see if they move.

The Universe doesn’t care.  I did not write “G-d” doesn’t care (if he exists); I wrote the Universe doesn’t care.  It doesn’t.  It just does its thing, and we do ours.  But I’m hoping to do mine better.  I’m working on becoming more aware FIRST and save myself the aggravation of flipping out over silly and serious things and hoping that in the long run, it will lessen my pain.  All my pain.  Physical, Emotional, Spiritual…..all of it.  All the time.  From my lips to G-d’s ears.


Just Sway with the music in your heart





1 comment:

  1. Dearest Sherri,

    Even the slightest increase in tumor growth can create more pain and problems for you. Sherri, your frustration at losing your phone is understandable, and the way you reacted is too. You deal with constant, chronic pain, and absolutely ANYONE who has had pain in their life would react the same way. Please be good to YOU and don't worry about getting upset at things that are normally not such a big deal.

    Our Pastor, Gordon Banks, once told Dan and I that Ashley is a GIANT among us, and she will have one of the biggest rooms in heaven. Sherri, you will too. I promise you that God is with you every step, and he does not want you to be in pain, and he cries with you and counts your tears. God loves you more than anyone else, and when you talk to him, he hears you!

    Your pain doctor needs to listen to you very carefully, and do what is right for your pain. If the fentanyl patch works, then that's what you should have. My mother wears one for chronic back pain from minute spinal fractures, and it helps her pain level go way down.

    You are in my prayers, and I lift you up to the Lord for healing. Our God is holy, set apart, almighty, and he hears you.

    Much love,
    Becky

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