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Thursday, July 26, 2012

Adjusting


I had a visit today from my new social worker; they switched on me.  So many people to remember.   Someone who does the financial end, someone who arranges for the help, and the social worker.  They sent me a letter that told me the day of my check will be different.  That’s fine.  But the cost of my care (my out of pocket) is going up by $100 because that’s how much I was paying for Medicare and now I’m not paying that.  So basically, it’s robbing Peter to pay Paul…doesn’t help me financially, but doesn’t make it worse either.  That starts in September.  Whoopee.  Getting adjusted to this is a challenge.  Keeping track of the hours my helpers come so that I don’t get charged for time not given…..and Margie, my social worker, told me today that if you don’t use it, it doesn’t go to the next month…so I lost a day last week when no one showed (just a mix up…Amanda was still in training) I told her it was fine, but I wanted to make up the hours.

This is so effing hard for me to accept.  I have written that I didn’t know how much I needed the help until I started to get it and that still is very much true.  My pain levels have been ghastly (as my friend Ted says) but having someone help with the cleaning, the shopping, taking me to appointments; that all keeps the pain at about a 6 instead of a 9.  I have horrific days still; and my leg is getting worse (I see a surgeon in a few weeks about a tumor on my left arm and I’m going to ask him about the one on my right leg).  So it’s good that I have the help but I’m still struggling with shame, embarrassment, fear (that it will all disappear) and anger.  Thank heaven I still have my therapist.  On one hand, things are better, on the other….you know.

I was reading Huffington Post nonstop right up until that horrific shooting in Colorado.  I had to stop reading it altogether because it was making me nuts.  Between that and the upcoming election….I’m over the top. 

So….time to practice gratefulness, awareness of others’ misfortunes, being thankful for what I DO have; a roof over my head, food in my belly, people in my life who genuinely care about me (family, friends) and of course, Oliver.

1 comment:

  1. You are an inspiration Sherri. I read your blog, every entry, I even went back to the start to read them all. I don't comment much because my time for sitting up is limited. I don't have the same condition as you but I do have constant chronic pain, mostly due to a compound fracture of the left SI joint that is permanent and a bunch of other stuff in the pelvis and lower back.

    I understand all the emotions, thoughts, fears, etc. that you post about and have many of the same myself. You keep going, day after day and that truly is inspiring to others. Thank you!

    *gentle hugs *

    ReplyDelete

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