Wednesday, July 11, 2012
I saw my therapist today and blurted out that I fantasize about being taken away by aliens to a planet without pain. She looked at me and said “You should write about that” So I’m going to try.
I understand that we are here to learn and having a life that is too easy doesn’t help us with our spiritual growth. But enough, already. So I think. But who really knows? When my body is screaming in agony, when the tumors hurt as well, when I can no longer feel my feet, when I get dizzy even when I’m lying down, when a million other slings and arrows keep me from doing anything considered normal, from grocery shopping to going out with friends, that’s when I want to cry “Uncle” and be done with it. One way or another, done with it.
I read about people who face horrible situations and do remarkably well. This gives me hope and courage. But knowing there will never be an end to the pain is difficult. I’m not even sure it will end when I’m dead. It’s true, I won’t have a body; but we know almost zero about what really happens after death. Sure, people have had near death experiences. The key word is “near” death. While many have claimed to have actually died and there is medical proof of that, we in fact don’t know beyond what the monitors tell us. And what the patient tells us.
I once sent a woman into the light. Long story, and I wrote it somewhere on this blog, can’t remember what I called it….maybe “first encounter”. So I am a big believer in the afterlife. But if this planet isn’t going to help me with the pain (and our ridiculous policies about treating those in pain) then I want to go somewhere that will deal with it in a real, healing way. And yes, I’ve tried a lot of different things; acupuncture, Reiki….so far, with limited results.
So, when I see movies like “K-Pax, I want to fly away somewhere and get fixed. But I wouldn’t want to leave family and friends behind. Not that this will be a choice I’ll have to make anytime soon. But who knows?
I just don’t have the energy to even write much anymore.
Posted by Sherri at 12:23 PM