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Saturday, May 5, 2012

Karmic Growth?

First, Do No Harm (to my computer)
Well, after all the trouble I had with my computer and all the money I spent fixing it....it died.  It had nothing to do with the new OS I put in on Monday.  On Friday, the LCD burned out and I couldn't see a thing.  My computer guy said that ordering the new part would take weeks and cost as much as a new computer.

So, I have a new notebook.  I went with him and picked it out.  Now I'm getting use to everything so it may take a while to get the feel of the keyboard, etc.  It seems to have a mind of its own and my fingers aren’t as nimble as they once were and I keep accidently doing things I don’t want done and I have no idea what it is and can’t replicate it on purpose.  Oh well.  Be patient with me!
More Importantly
Not exactly sure that this is more important, but I’m watching last night’s episode of “Grimm”  I have no idea why I like this silly show so much; I think it’s because some of these characters, the “Grimms” can morph into something else other than being human.  That would be lovely, though I would morph into something good, not evil.
If my life here is truly for my spiritual growth, or Karma, or whatever you want to call it, then so be it.   But here’s what I found to be funny (for me).  When I fantasize about being dead and (hopefully)  moving on, I always see myself as being an invisible helper, like those who help me (in the background).  I dream that I can heal others with challenges like or worse than my own; of being able to do it with touch, or sometimes, just an invisible appearance to someone in need.  Like that old yarn about the guy who shows up to help someone with something major and life threatening, but is gone when the crisis is resolved.  Like that, you know?   And I get so frustrated that I can do little but lay here on my couch in pain.  I especially would like to use these superpowers on a friend who is physically challenged at the moment. 
Yet, getting a hold of the folks at DSHS, getting my disability, paying my bills, taking care of the gnats in life is a major challenge without anyone to help me is about all I can do, but I got it done.  My family was happy that I got that done because they are overwhelmed with their own lives, as is everyone else.
Anyway, I suddenly realized that having superpowers isn’t necessary to help someone else (obviously, but the fantasy persists).  I get feedback about my blog, and people I speak with who have NF and are challenged by it talk to me about those challenges, and I talk to them about mine.  Does that count, I wonder?  Toward my spiritual growth?  Will I one day be able to be that spirit guide who helps those in need?  Or am I now that person?

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