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Thursday, May 24, 2012

100

I wrote this a long time ago.  I've not been feeling very creative lately, and my mind is on other people, especially Ted and my father.  Again, I use this blog to get my feelings out of my body and onto "paper."   If I didn't have this outlet, I would really be a mess.  I am NOT suicidal.

Of course they believe me; they know it’s been said,
The pain’s in my body and not in my head
The tumors that live on the nerves on my spine
Are apparent on x-rays; it’s not in my mind

But the pain that they cause every hour, every day
erodes away everything I want to say
and as much as it hurts, no matter the toll
it doesn’t compare to the pain in my soul

The physical pain’s barely dulled with the pills
just as surgery isn’t an option, but still
I continue my search, even get on a roll
While I comfort the gut-retching pain in my soul

When some people I love don’t believe that I care
Or that I’m not present; it’s too much to bear
I know it’s not true, I don’t need a poll
Yet it hurts like it’s true, like the pain in my soul

Chronic pain, I’m convinced is the worst kind of curse
It knows no conclusion, it keeps getting worse
But people expect you to crawl out of your hole
In spite of the pain, and the pain in your soul

I try to act normal, and keep it inside
But the pain isn’t something I can always hide
It’s no demonstration, that isn’t the goal
When it hurts like a bitch, like the pain in my soul

I pray for the people I love and adore
I pray for the world, for a cure, sometimes more
I pray to find ways to feel well, to be whole
I pray for an end to the pain in my soul


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