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Thursday, May 17, 2012

Fascination

I know I am fascinated with “other worldly” things because of my (limited) experiences with “The Other Side” or whatever you want to call it.  Helping that woman cross, my relatives who have passed, etc.  So I don’t doubt that there is much, much more than our little lives here on Earth.  

How determined is your soul?  And determined to what?  To grow?  To accept your fate?  To change your fate?  Endless questions and zero answers to most of them.  How frustrating.  Gotta stop asking.   You know those bumper stickers that read “Wag More, Growl Less” (well, I have one that reads “Purr More, Hiss Less”)?    I think we have to Do More, Ask Less.  At least when it comes to the big things

Just help someone in need, without a reason and without being asked.
Just be kind to a stranger for no reason because none is needed
Just give a little money, food, old clothes, etc. without doing it for tax purposes (not that you can’t declare a large sum; just don’t do it for that reason). Just try to go a day without complaining about the pain.  This was the hardest thing for me to learn and I have to keep learning it.  Our friends and family know we are in pain; there is no need to prove anything to anyone.  And strangers REALLY don’t want to hear about it.  Sadly, there is always someone in worse shape than you (the royal you).

I haven’t been writing much lately and I feel sad about that.  I just feel emptied out lately (in terms of thoughts).   A summer approaches and everyone is busier than ever, I dread these longer days of nothing much happening.  I read and watch movies until my eyes want to close for hours.  I try not to worry about all my body’s changes and keep my head above water taking one moment at a time, and I do okay most of the time.

It’s when I get to close to the perimeter of that abyss that I get into trouble.  And it’s been calling me again lately.  It calls; I don’t pick up but let it ring off the hook.  I’m on a “do not call” list but the abyss doesn’t care. (Okay, that’s a bad joke).  I want to hear a good old fashioned thunderstorm….clear out the negative ions.  We don’t get them in Western Washington.  I use to LOVE them when I was a kid in Minnesota.  I’d lie in bed at night and watch the lightening and listen to the thunder and it always lulled me to sleep.

And that’s about it for me!!


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