Yellow Bird

I’m lying here (what else?) thinking about all the years gone by, all the pain that never ceases and am thinking about everything from my almost 19 year old cat, Oliver (who at present is screaming for treats but will not get them because I’m in horrific pain, I’m alone, and jumping up every 10 minutes is exhausting), to what happened with Pam.   I heard back from the Officer who took the information and he told me she has to go into treatment and stay clean a year and the charge would be dropped.  I asked if it was okay just to call and speak with her.  No contact in person, but a call would be fine.

We spoke for just a few minutes and she told me she was actually seeing it as a turning point and a wakeup call.  She said she understood why I had to do it and that she had left me with no choice.  I told her my angst over it that first weekend actually stopped once I turned my prayers away from me and on to her.  She cried. I cried.  And we said our good-byes over the phone, promising to get in touch again in a year.  I hope she succeeds.

I’ve been having a very difficult time lately and thus have not been writing much.  The pain has been horrific, and Tuesday I have to get to the doctors, a 40 minute drive each way.  The new person got permission from the supervisor to take me there (it’s in the next county so a no no) after I spoke to her and said Pam was the reason I had to go.  Which is true; they scheduled it based on how much they thought I was taking and when I told them what had happened they still want me to come in.  My next scheduled appointment will be a different challenge, but that won’t be for another six months.  By then I may have someone new willing to do it without needing permission.  Usually when I offer to pay for the extra gas they agree but this woman, Elaine, would not.  That’s okay; she has integrity, which matters to me a lot.

The emergency replacement worker was a doll.  She is originally from Sri Lanka but is married to an American and has lived her over 20 years.  She was a nonstop chatterbox, her cell didn’t stop ringing though she didn’t answer it, and she had all sorts of dietary suggestions.   I told her to email them to me since she isn’t going to be my regular.  So I have Elaine on T, TH and someone I have not yet met, Barbara, M, W, F.  I am going to have to be careful scheduling appointments based on their work schedule.

Lots of changed which equal stress which equals pain.  I always think I’m doing well when I’m not.  But two friends came over last weekend; one on Saturday and one on Sunday.  I watched “The Sapphires” which I highly recommend…about an aboriginal singing group from down under that were never famous but they sang all over for the USO during Viet Nam.  They only sang music that was popular then, but the beginning of the movie you hear them singing songs like “Yellow Bird”   Amazing.