The pain and numbness have been relentless. I just saw my acupuncturist. I sometimes want to cancel because the drive
over feels overwhelming. But in the end,
it always helps so I push myself. I have no clue how my 89 year old dad does it
with his pain issues due to spinal stenosis.
Again, I marvel at how some undetected health problem or an accident can
take life away in an instant but I keep on going. And my questions never get answered. People tell me not to ask anything when I’m
in agony or depressed because you don’t get answers anyway and it just makes
the pain worse. Great advice, but who
wants to know those answers when things are rosy? Of course, rosy for me is a “5” on the pain
scale.
And I ignore other health issues because what’s the
point? My hips hurt, my remaining breast
hurts (had a mammogram about six months ago), I seem to be losing more weight….no
appetite whatsoever but I do eat; not much, but I eat. I’m sure the laxatives have everything to do
with those issues, but I can’t not take them or I’d be in the hospital once a
week and that treatment isn’t pretty. If
it weren’t so pathetic it would be laughable.
Sometimes, in the right mood, it is laughable.
I know too, that very few people residing on this planet
have it “easy”. Everyone has
issues. Even the no problem problem is
an issue. I don’t want it easy. You learn nothing from easy. I just want it tolerable. Apparently, that’s too much to ask for
too. Wanting what we want when we want
it is such an American/European thing.
All the things we feel we can’t live without; it all gets us in the
end. We don’t get it, it gets us My question has always been about feeling
that wanting good health isn’t the same thing as wanting a car. But maybe it is.
Okay, honestly? There
is one thing I want. I want a virtual
reality device, if they exist, because there are places I will never go that I
would love to visit….not just the pictures, the feeling of actually being
there. I am not jealous of everyone in
my life who have had those experiences…I just want to go to places like the Gallipolis
Islands, Paris at night, Italy during the day.
I want to see the Pyramids. So I
guess there are things I want. I want
food delivered to my home but can’t seem to find someone willing to do it,
besides the weight loss places. Boy,
someone is missing out on a great business opportunity. Shut ins who need nourishing food. I’m aware of Meals on Wheels but I have very
specific needs….just a meal a day is all I need. I can make the rest. That’s my bucket list.
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