Inrease

Well, my doc finally increased my Fentanyl patch from 100 to 125mg.  So I need to wear two patches.  I did my first one a couple days ago and so far, nothing.  Now I guess I know why they have never responded to my request for more.  I am so conservative and they know it.  And I’m assuming it takes a while for it all to enter your bloodstream but my pain receptors are full so I don’t know what will happen.   I was in a shitload of pain Friday.  Had a doable day Thursday but when I feel good, I go out and within a few hours I am in agony again. 

Saturday morning: I haven’t been sleeping well at all and last night was no different.  Woke up in horrific pain.   Showered, changed my patch.  Praying today will be better.  Gastrointestinal problems back on the rise big time.  Has been for days now.  It is sooooooo hard to keep the faith.  It demands everything and promises nothing, as the saying goes.  Well, my pain is the same.  It demands my attention and promises nothing.  Right now ,my feet are totally numb and the pain is excruciating.  I don’t think this increase is doing a darn thing.

I just heard this song on “Criminal Minds” and I’m thinking its G-d talking to me.  It is very hard to be still when the devil comes calling in the form of horrific pain, but I know I am not alone.