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Friday, June 8, 2012

Ida


I’ve written about my grandmother Ida before but I must have deleted it for some reason.  She is in my thoughts big time right now so I wanted to share a couple things.  One I wrote in the post I deleted, one I did not.

When I was about 11 or12, Ida was dying from bladder cancer.  I didn’t know that, but I knew she was very ill.  One day, my friend Ann and I rode our bicycles over to her apartment to visit.  It wasn’t very far.  She was lying in bed and not feeling well.  I can’t remember who cared for her because her husband had passed away four years earlier.  Anyway, I was patting her arm and saying the things that 11 year olds say, which was “Don’t worry grandma, you’ll be okay” Pat pat.

She turned to me, took my hand and looked me in the eye.  She said “No sweetie, I’m not going to get well.  I’m dying.  But it’s okay, because its part of life and it’s nothing to be afraid of” And she smiled.

Two things happened.  First, I was shocked that an adult would be that honest and open with me, and second, whatever fear I had about death (can’t remember) vanished in an instant.  And I’ve never been afraid since.  It was the greatest gift anyone could have given me up to that point in my life.

When she passed, she willed a diamond out of her engagement ring to me, and one to my sister, to be given to us on our sixtieth birthdays.  (I recall writing this once already but it’s deleted so I’m repeating it).  My folks made mine into a pendant which I wore around my neck non-stop until I was about 22.  I was in the hospital for a chest x-ray and left it in the dressing room, not noticing until it was too late.  It was gone, and I was devastated.  I went home and cried my eyes out for hours.  Then suddenly, out of blue, I felt her presence with me and the words “You don’t need the necklace for me to be near you” came into my left ear (that’s where I hear my higher self “speak” and no, I don’t hear voices….but they are loud thoughts).  A calm came over me and I stopped crying.  And Ida has been by my side ever since.

I keep reading about Aimee Copeland, the young Georgia woman with the flesh eating disease that cost her one leg, the foot of the other leg and her hands.  I can’t even imagine what she is going through.  She’s only 22 and a grad student.  Beautiful, smart and ever faithful.  Her faith is what keeps her going.

There is so much power in prayer and meditation (which I think is a form of prayer).  I had a bad day yesterday, trying to schedule an MRI and an appointment with my doc and coordinating it; I was going crazy.  So I ended up cancelling it all and rescheduling for another time.  It’s just a bad week next week to be doing it and I never should have attempted it.  But fear came over me; my symptoms are worsening and I’m scared.  I am thankful for the help I’ll be getting (if it’s ever approved).  But I need someone with me for that appointment and the people who will be helping me won’t go into the next county, where my appointments are.  So I need a family member or a friend to help because of the drugs they’ll be using to help me through it.  I never needed that kind of help before, but I couldn’t even get through the last MRI due to the pain.

I just hope I can find someone because they won’t let me take a taxi.

Blessings

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