Post Op

My sister took me to my post op appointment on Tuesday.   I spent the night at her house so we could leave from there, and was having a major panic attack once I went to bed.  Hardly slept at all.  Very frustrating.  But spending time with her and her husband, and their youngest daughter who was home just for the evening, studying for a mid- term, was wonderful.

The appointment was good; didn’t see the surgeon but I knew that he wasn’t going to be there. Some of the rest of the team was there and went over everything, took out stiches behind my ear and told me the numbness I feel down my left arm should go away, eventually.  May be a year.  All in all it was good, and blessedly fast.  The appointment was at 8:15 and I was home by 9:30.  Really quick.  I wrote a thank you to the patient care coordinator to tell her how happy I was at that hospital.  I think it is  important to let people know when they are great because so often (in healthcare) they aren’t.

In the meantime, I’m having those panic attacks a lot more lately.  I don’t know why.  I feel sad and separate from the world.  I try to stay away from the news, but it bombards you.  I have been playing with my new iPad, a gift from my brother and sister in law, and I had it with me the night I stayed at my sister’s.  While in panic mode, I thought about going online just to DO something and realized I would drift to the news, which would not be good. So I watched part of a funny movie (Antz) which didn’t help.

I feel like I am losing my grip.  I just want it to be over.  Thinking of the future is beyond scary.  I know it is for everyone.  I just lose it thinking about this pain going on and on. BUT, maybe some of the leg pain will dissipate over time.  That would be good!  In the meantime, the battle for inner peace rages on.  Battle. Rage. Peace. Hmmm.  Interesting choice of words.  Ya gotta laugh at yourself sometimes, right