Wednesday, February 26, 2014
When I was 11 years old my paternal grandmother was sick with bladder cancer (though at the time I didn’t know why she was ill). One day, a friend and I rode our bicycles to her apartment, which wasn’t far. I was in her bedroom, patting her on the shoulder and telling her she was going to be alright, the way I had seen grown-ups do it. What happened next astounded me.
She held my hands, looked me in the eye and said “No sweetie, I’m not. I’m dying. And that’s okay because it’s all a part of life. I don’t ever want you to be afraid of it”
I don’t think I breathed for five minutes. I was afraid and unsure of what I heard. But it wasn’t death that frightened me. I was wondering why my grandmother, whom I was especially close to, would talk to me like I was a grown-up. Nobody talked to me like that. This was 1964. It frightened me because I knew she told me this for a special reason, I just didn’t know what it was.
As time moved on, and especially now, I have a deeper understanding of why she shared that with me. I was diagnosed with NF at age 11. I don’t know if my grandmother knew specifically about the diagnosis, or if she just sensed I was different. I was sick a lot as a kid, much of it before age 11. So she saw those illnesses and maybe she sensed my physical being would be challenged during my lifetime. Not much was known about NF back then anyway; it wasn’t even called NF. So who knows what she knew. She was sensitive in ways not recognized back then and even now, for some people.
I’m thinking of that now because I’m re-reading books on the soul, as well as ones I haven’t yet read. I’m recalling experiences I have had with the other side and telling myself that there is no way they can’t be real. My experience with helping that woman cross over comes to mind (I wrote about it on this blog…”First Encounter” I think I called it) as well as some other unworldly things that I know was not “swamp gas” (no UFO sightings, just an expression). These experiences all happened 20 years prior to me needing the drugs I use for pain today. Now, I don’t have them anymore. The drugs surpresss whatever gift I had. Not entirely, but enough.
As my NF progresses and it seems to do so daily, I feel life kind of closing in on me and I get scared. And if I’m lucky enough to feel her, my grandmother soothes my fractured heart, my frightened mind and my sore body as she says “…it’s a part of life and I don’t want you to ever be afraid”
The pain is so very bad lately, all I want is to go HOME
Posted by Sherri at 6:06 PM