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Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Open Heart

I have been reading and thinking about soul survival, life after life and reincarnation.   So I’m reading and re-reading a stack of books on the topic.  In doing so, I have been pondering three separate events that were past life experiences (I think).  One was spontaneous and no imagery was used.  The other two were guided, though one of those was a group thing.  I want to emphasize that all these experiences happened years before I became dependent on opioids for pain control.  If anything, those medications stopped the process and I miss it terribly.   They have been happening since I was very young; I just didn’t appreciate it until they were gone.  These three are just a sampling of things I have experienced (as mentioned earlier)


This happened about 1988 or so.  A friend asked me to accompany her to a past life seminar given by a local woman.  I was skeptical beyond measure, and went with a kind of eye rolling acceptance which really isn’t very supportive but hey, I was young.  The leader had this crystal bowl and a crystal wand which she ran along the inside of the bowl.  The sound was the same as when you dip your finger in water and run it along the rim of a crystal glass.  Eerie sounding.  While she did this, she chanted a bit and then instructed us to go down a path, find somewhere comfortable to sit and then the rest I don’t recall.

I don’t recall because I had gone into some kind of trance.  I saw myself as a little boy in the desert.  I looked up and saw a stern looking man on a camel staring down at me, somewhat annoyed.  I must have been about five years old.  After a minute, a huge black spider crawled up my leg, bit me, and I “died”.  When I came to, people all around me were asking if I was okay.  I had no idea why they were concerned, but apparently, I had been making quite a bit of noise.   I laughed it off and frankly, didn’t even remember the incident I just relayed until months later. 

Okay, here’s the deal and this is where is gets “hairs on the back of your head standing up”   My whole life I have been TERRIFIED of any spider, big or small.  I actually had been known to leave my bedroom and sleep in the living room if I spotted one in there.  Once, I woke up my roommate’s boyfriend to kill one that was in the bathroom.   A phobia times 100.  About three months after the “regression” I noticed a spider crawling around and I bent down, scooped it into a cup a let it out.  I stopped in my tracks, realizing I had been doing this for a while now.  I could not figure what changed so rapidly and abruptly.   Then I remembered the regression.  And for the first time since it happened, I remembered the details.

Phobia cures?  Past life?  Who knows.  But it’s something to consider.


This was a spontaneous experience and not a result of regression or meditation or hypnosis.   And again, it happened a good 18 years before I was taking any medication and nothing recreationally.

I was in a health club working out.  I was there early because I worked there too and it was just the staff before we opened.  I had finished up and went into the steam room, where I had gone many times before.  I was sitting in there alone, quietly, not thinking of anything when suddenly out of nowhere panic hit me like a freight train.  I FELT and SAW dozens of naked bodies around me and we were all gasping for air.  The steam was suddenly gas and I knew I was about to die.  Frantically, I groped my way to the door, got it open and still gasping, slid to the floor.

A few people were walking past and stopped to make sure I was okay.  After a few moments I was, and even went back into the steam room because I knew if I didn’t, I’d have the start of another phobia.

What was that?  I don’t know.  And I know that as a Jew, stories of the Holocaust were plentiful and it could have easily been the product of a memory of a story.  But I don’t think so.  I think it was a memory of an experience.


This was an actual guided regression and happened when I was first beginning to take medication.  But I was not “high” from the drugs.  In fact, those who take opioids for pain don’t experience the high that addicts do.  If they are lucky, they experience a lessening of the pain.

My memory of this experience isn’t as clear as the other two so I hesitate to use it as an example.  But my therapist has reminded me of it from time to time and her memories of my experience, her notes, and what I expressed remain clear with her. 

I saw myself as a little girl in a small, weathered wood house in a rural area.  My dad was trying desperately to save the family from bad men, who turned out to be Nazis.  He failed, and I was taken away.  I don’t recall much after that.  Again, the Nazi theme may be due to my Jewish heritage; on the other hand, from what I’ve been reading, it sounds like patterns are repeated in each life we live, assuming we live more than one.  And I respect those who don’t buy that.   On the other hand, it would make sense that my previous deaths have been violent, my lives troubling and challenging physically.

I want this circus to be over.  Grant it, most people live their lives challenged in some way.  In fact, I think those challenges are necessary for spiritual growth.   There is this Chinese proverb (I think its Chinese) that goes: “May you have an easy life” and it’s considered a curse.

It’s a curse because if your life is too easy, if you don’t have challenges, you don’t grow spiritually.  Or rather, you don’t have the OPPORTUITY to grow spiritually.  The more we resist our challenges, the more they persist, and the less we grow.  

So be grateful for your challenges and take the opportunity to learn from them.

Of course, upset and anger is always yapping around my feet like a small dog on a tear.  And when the pain is really bad, the dog is always hanging around.

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