SAD

The end of Daylight Savings and the beginning of long days of darkness begins next week.  Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) arrives soon after, though I’m pretty much depressed year ‘round.   The good news it, that means I don’t have the disorder!  Hey, I’m trying to make lemonade here.   I’m out of sugar.

The pain is bad today…again.  The neuropathy is really bad.  An NF friend in MN mentioned Emu oil for pain.  It’s a topical and comes in a cream too.  I’m picking some up today.  I see my acupuncturist today.  I hope that helps.  I did sleep well for a few days but then woke up groggy so I halved my sleep medication last night.   Getting up and preparing to do nothing all day is exhausting.  It’s getting harder and harder but as my dad says, you gotta keep pushing yourself.  

Reading is still very difficult for me to do.  I miss it like crazy.  Nothing interests me.  I think all that time waiting for my prescription for my glasses, which still isn’t great, did something to my attention span.  Truth be told, I’m scared silly.  I’m afraid of ending up completely out of control of myself.

I just spoke to my pain nurse.  She had asked me to send my MRI results to them.  That was two weeks ago.  She had given me detailed instructions on how to send it.  Now she said “you aren’t going to like this but we can’t look at them unless we see you.  We have to get paid, that’s just the way it is” So I phoned my neurologist and left a message requesting that he look at them.   I will have to come in for that, I am sure.

She also asked me to count my breakthrough meds….and I’m short again….by 50.  I do not get it.  I need to start writing down each time I put one in my mouth….I swear I rarely take four a day, let alone six.  Something is not right and they’ll cut me off if this keeps up.  I don’t know what else to do.  They are under lock and key, the key being in a separate place from the lockbox.  Then she called back because I had left her two messages, freaked about the missing meds.   She calmed me down and said she was concerned because things have changed a lot for me over the passed few months and she is worried I'm taking more than I think I am, and that perhaps it's time to up the dosage.  Talk about hearing things wrong!

Ah, the life of the chronically ill.  The pain must be really messing with me.  I wish I could just let go.