Rough

It’s been rough.  The pain is through the roof and my gastrointestinal issues are really starting to worry me.  I have so much gas from all the crap I take to insure I evacuate, it’s just horrible.   I don’t know what to do anymore, who to ask, where to go….I’m dizzy from this journey and worn out from fighting for every breath, every moment.  I got new glasses and I think they screwed up because it’s worse than before.  But I don’t have the energy to deal with it. 

I think I have some anxiety about my dad moving here.  Not because he’ll be here; that part is great….it’s that he’s 45 minutes from me and neither of us can drive that far.  Well, he thinks he can, but his legs are horrible and if he loses feeling while he’s driving he could kill himself or someone else.  My sister and brother in law and one of their daughters were here on Sunday.  She’s really worried about it, as am I.  Perhaps that’s adding to my stressful bowel situation and the endless horrific pain.  I use to get a break every once in a while.  Not anymore.  Even my healer told me to go to a doctor if it isn’t better in a week.  That was two weeks ago.  I see her again on Wednesday but will hopefully see the doctor before then.  Of course, it’s Memorial Day so they are not open.  Not to put too fine a point on it, but this is day four with runaway stools.  I even backed way off on Miralax….got to be stress.

When I get like this, I like to look up stories about people with great challenges who face them with great courage.  Aimee Copeland, for example.  She’s the woman who lost both her hands, one leg and the other foot in a zip line accident.  She fell, cut herself and got a flesh eating disease.  I just read where she was fitted with bionic hands!!  They were donated to her from the company because her insurance didn’t cover it.  I’ve heard an interview with her…she seems like one of the bravest people around.  This happen over a year ago and I was wondering how she was doing so I looked it up.  Amazing.

It’s true the whole planet is suffering mightily right now.  Challenges abound for everyone except the super-rich and healthy.  I don’t look at the news much because it takes me down further.  But I know I’m hardly alone when it comes to suffering.  And suffering is somewhat of a choice.  We can’t choose what happens to us in life (mostly) but we can choose how to respond to the challenges.

That being stated, I’m tired of being sick and tired.