Methadone Day....Again

I got lulled into thinking I was done with withdrawal days and boy, it struck yesterday with a vengeance.  Not to mention the pain was a 15 on the 1-10 scale.  I was in agony and crying my eyes out, screaming at G-d and wanting out in a big way.  I took some Tylenol for the withdrawal symptoms which usually helps; not this time.  This time, it was beyond the pale.  So if any of you are on methadone for the pain and want to switch because it doesn’t work (what really does?) be prepared.  On the up side, my healer, the acupuncturist/chiropractor/energy work person (Divanna) told me my body is much looser and responds better to her work than it did when I was taking that drug.  In the end, it’s worth it, because it allowed me to have some semblance of a life for a long time.

But the pain is better today.  Compared to yesterday, anyway.  But compared to someone who doesn’t have to deal with this, I’d say it’s a 6 on the 1-10 scale.  I can live with a 6.  But if were like it was yesterday all the time, I’d check out in a heartbeat.  What fools these mortals be!

Yesterday, in the throes of agony, I was thinking about just that.  How a healthy person can suddenly drop dead from some undiagnosed something or other, and everyone they loved is in shock and mourning.  One tumor can kill.  But hundreds and hundreds of tumors can “just” cause agony for years and years and not kill you.  I don’t get it.  Apparently, I’m not supposed to get it.  I tried drumming yesterday….it’s been a few days….and I couldn’t get to where I wanted to be, spiritually.  I wanted an out of body experience just to get out of pain for a few minutes.  That sometimes works.  Not yesterday.  Maybe today.

The gastro problems persist.  Slugging down the Miralax and Lactulose like crazy.  Always works for a while then stops.

One of my prescriptions is no longer covered under Medicaid….I’m terrified this is the start of a trend.  Luckily, it’s a prescription I can try going without.  It’s to prevent bladder infections.  I called my urologist and they called back and said to try and go without it, and if it didn’t work, call Medicare and try and convince them to cover it.  In the meantime, I have enough to start immediately if this doesn’t work.  Today is my first day without it.  I take natural things too anyway.  Cranberry tabs, etc. 

My expenses have gone up by about 20% this year….and the first few months of the year are awful.  My tabs are due, and considering how little I drive, its nuts.  Plus I need to do the exhaust test this year, so that’s another $15 on top of the tabs.  EVERYTHING has gone up.  Except what I get for disability.  That did go up a little, and Medicaid took the whole thing for my helper!  It’s now over $400 a month!  I know that’s cheap for 15 hours a week, but I don’t always get the hours, either.

And so it goes…..