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Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Bowel Struggles

Due to my lifelong struggle with constipation due to NF, my relationship with food has also been a lifelong struggle.  For a while, four years actually, I had it completely under control by eating flaxseed meal with a bit of yogurt every morning, along with 500 mg of magnesium morning and bedtime.  After all the years of struggle, it was cleared up in three days.  Amazing.  Until it stopped working.

Then I went to Yakima Fruit Paste and Senna pills.  That worked for about a year, and then stopped in its tracks.  It’s like my body works until it starts to get bored with what I am putting in it.  I’m told now NOT to take the senna because it will make it harder on my already stressed out muscle that makes things leave the body.  Then of course there is the squatty potty….got it.  So far, no luck.  G-d I’m a load of laughs.

I wanted a Shamanic experience and my therapist gave me a drumming CD to listen to and hopefully, move me out of my head.  I’ve had those experiences and they are lovely.  Being elsewhere.  Trying so hard not to stress and worry, etc...  I mean, that crap they give you for a colonoscopy didn’t even work that well.  And I threw out the remainder so all I have now is Miralax.  I know that stressing causes tightness in the stomach (for me anyway) so I’m trying to just breathe and not think about it.

See, I worry so much about food.  I have no appetite but I feel I “should” eat something.  That’s insanity.  I eat when I’m hungry, stop when I’m full.  That has gotten me through since the last hospitalization until things took that nasty turn a few weeks ago.  So it’s back to square one.  If I don’t eat much today (as yesterday) it’s not the end of the world.  It will get back on track.

I phoned my pain doc and left a message for him to look at that CT scan done in the ER….I don’t trust the doc wanna bes down there….I know some are full-fledged, but almost zero know about NF and what to look for.  Saying there are “too many tumors” for him to see my appendix was a hint for me.  He may not be seeing blockage for the same reason.  But my colonoscopy last April was clear.

That Joni Mitchell documentary got me hooked on this's been a while....very romantic and sweet

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