The Frying Pan Solution

I'm Having a challenging time right now.  Still tricating up the Fentanyl and down the methadone.  Hope to be off the methadone within two weeks, though the nurse told me the last 2.5 mg can be the toughest.   I do tough, no prob.

So….she said my prescription for my fentanyl was in Friday’s mail.  Didn’t come Saturday.  Thankfully, today she called my pharmacist and faxed it in so I’d have one to use today (I’ve been using the same one for 10 years and they know me), when I change it because I didn’t want to risk it not being in the mail. And sometimes, I don’t get the mail until after 6.   So guess what?  It wasn’t there.  I had gone to pick it up with my helper and promised the pharmacist I’d come back with it.   So I called my nurse to tell her, and she called back telling me IT WASN’T EVEN MAILED ON FRIDAY.   I shudder to think what would have happened had she not faxed it.   So I called the pharmacist and said I’d bring it in immediately when I get it.   She wasn’t worried, since she only gave me one which will last three days.   I’m sure I’ll get it by Wednesday at the latest….and I change again Thursday.

Kind of got yelled at by the nurse today because she wants me to drive there to get the prescriptions since we are still tricating up….she just doesn’t get it about the drive (45 minutes in agony) let alone trying to find a driver.  Even if I used a service, sitting is demonic for me and I’d end up screaming in agony upon arrival.  She insisted everyone does it this way and maybe I should switch doctors.  We got back to being reasonable but it was a tough conversation.   I kept asking her why she was so angry, because I was speaking reasonably.  She agreed I was, but she just hated hearing “I can’t do this, I can’t do that”   Well guess what?  This isn’t about WON’T it IS about “can’t”.   I can’t believe that as a nurse in a pain clinic, she doesn’t see that.  I’m guessing many of their patients don’t’ have it nearly as bad as I do but demand far more.  If anything, she gets upset that I don’t take enough of my meds.  Well that’s behind me.  

I’m trying to be positive but I’m worried about my weight, lack of appetite, increase in pain….it just jumps around.  And today, even though I just changed the patch, is miserable.  It takes 12 hours for the new dosage to kick in.  Just hit me over the head with a frying pan and knock me out for 12 hours every third day.  Is that so much to ask?