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Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Cymbalta No Go

Warning: this is one of my more difficult posts (pain wise) so don’t read it if you think it may upset you

I am in brutal agony today.  The Cymbalta hasn’t made a lick of difference and it’s been almost five weeks.  I called the doc and left a message and they just called back.  I told them I have joint pain in my fingers which I’ve never had and am having a hard time sleeping and I’m so anxious and depressed I’m going mad.  They told me to stop it which surprised  me….I thought there would have been a withdrawal schedule, even though it was a short time.  She initially told me to cut it in half, but it’s a capsule.  Then when I questioned her about just stopping, she told me to take it every other day.  Same as cutting it in half, I guess.  She asked me when my next pain appointment is, but it’s not until July.  And they want to do a brain MRI then too.

I’ve been crying on and off all day; trying to read, trying to write, trying to listen to my relaxation or drumming cd’s; nothing is working.  Writing this takes my mind off it for a little bit, but again, the pain is so bad it’s distracting me from everything else instead of everything else distracting me from the pain.   The tumors in my legs must be growing, they hurt like hell.   And this morning, I was lying down reading and dozed off, which isn’t unusual, except when I came back I felt this weird panic….like I had died for a moment or something. Of course, that isn’t what happen, but it was strange.  I think the pain and the meds had me on overdrive.  I hope that ending the Cymbalta helps with the new symptoms (which I am blaming Cymbalta for; maybe I’m wrong…but the pain isn’t any better so why bother?

And that’s the key question for me right now.  Why bother?  I feel more of a burden than anything else and it’s only going to get worse.  I pray fervently for help of some kind; either for the strength to end it or for the pain to stop.  So far, well you know.  So much for my last post....pain is just pain.   Pffft.

But my dad is moving here and that’s worth staying around for.

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