Shelter Me

I just watched this documentary called “Shelter Me” on shelter dogs that are trained by inmates to be service dogs.  It was incredibly touching.  Especially the end when they paired the dogs with the people who need them.  There was special emphasis on combat veterans coming home with PTSD and getting one of these dogs.  I was crying, listening to the young vet talk about how he made his first kill at age 20, and by the end of that day he had killed over 40 people.  He was so chocked up, talking about the men, women and children who he either killed or destroyed their lives by destroying their families.  His description of what he hears and sees daily in his head was terrifying to hear.  I can’t imagine.

And also featured was this woman who looked fine, but suffered from disorder that causes her to “drop” or black out.  She needed a dog to get someone to notice if it happened.  She was crying as she said something like “When they see I have a service dog they’ll know I’m not fine” Boy did that hit home for me.  Invisible disorders/diseases are the worst because everyone thinks you’re fine, you could do more than you’re doing, etc.  Not that I should care what strangers think, but it’s hard when you’re in agony and the person in front of you in line is chatting up the cashier, or there is no one to help in a store, or, like today, I had to use the bathroom in a store and the cashier, who was chatting away with some guy, got upset because I repeated three times I needed a bathroom.  I should have just let loose on her floor.  Pam was with me and tried to tell her it was an emergency and I was ill, but she said something like “Well I was talking to someone”  and then someone else came to open the door and looked at me like I had threatened them with an Uzi.

Life is hard enough without having a little understanding.   I need to remind myself of the same thing; you never know what is going on with someone else, why not give them the benefit of the doubt?   And if it turns out that person is just a sour, mean sob, so what?  That’s their problem, not yours.  By being kind to someone, even someone who doesn’t deserve it is more powerful than being a creep all the time, assuming the worst.  Right.  Like I behave that way.  Well, at least I give it some thought, eh?

Pam went for her CAT scan today.  Her chest X-ray came back clear, so that’s good. But she won’t get the results of the MRI or the CAT scan until Monday.  She just keeps working and trying not to fret.  I told her to call me if she needed to talk….I really, really wish I could help her.  I gave her some suggestions on how to get extra help paying for the bills that are coming in.  Like I wrote earlier, she is worse off than me financially and has HMO coverage through work. 

Please, pray for her

I’m in a bit of pain so I’ll sign off……