Sometimes

Sometimes the pain is so intense all I want is death

Sometimes it drops to a “5” and I can catch my breath

Sometimes the feeling of being buried under concrete overwhelms me

Sometimes when I’m reading a good book, I forget that I’m in agony

Sometimes none of the meds work at all and I am dismal

Sometimes a toke or two or three quiets my crazy tumor oppressed nerves

Sometimes I ask “why” when I know there is no answer

Sometimes I see the suffering of those around me and pray for them

Sometimes I have no appetite because of the pain and my stomach issues

Sometimes I’m hungry and eat my way through the day, bowels be damned

Sometimes the darkness of the abyss calls and I rush to the edge

Sometimes the sun sparkles on my wind chimes, hummingbirds feed and I smile

Sometimes I can’t wait for death and court it like hell

Sometimes those on the other side soothe me with words of wisdom

Like life, death is a state of being.  Sometimes I think I prefer one over the other, even though I don’t recall what the other is like.  But if it means I’m no longer in pain, I’ll take it.

Oh, to be able to hang on to the feeling of letting go.  What a conundrum that one is.

I'd write about the dismal state of affairs with this country, but it only makes the pain worse.