Split

Not much to say about myself lately.  Pain bad.  Gastro challenges still here.  Two infections in inconvenient places in my body that I’ve had for weeks and weeks, neither of which will clear up. Yadda Yadda Yadda.

My dad’s pneumonia sent him to the hospital for several days and he’s in rehab now because he got so weak he can’t go home yet.  I’m glad he’s there, because both my brother and sister will be out of town (they only overlap for a few days but still) and that’s a safer place for him.  My sister and he have gotten a lot closer over the past weeks, which I am very happy about.   Dad’s complaining about his roommate and not being able to sleep.  But he’s working the program and getting better and my sister is a great cheerleader.  I email him words of encouragement.  Poor guy.  No one should have to suffer in pain, but especially at 90.  I love him and I just want what he wants (for him).  He worries about me and I just tell him I’ll be fine and there isn’t anything to worry about.

Times like these, when family needs you, is what is the hardest thing about not being able to get places.  No way can I sit for a 50 minute ride to be with him.  Even if I could find a ride where I could lay flat ( like in an ambulance), once I got there, I’d be through the roof in pain.  I am now, and I’m lying flat.  My most comfortable position isn’t that comfortable anymore….the tumors in my head make it hard to lay flat but when I’m raised, my whole body is in agony.

I’m split in two so vividly in my mind.  My body and my soul.  The only pain relief I get is by leaving my body and going off into space in my head, or if I’m lucky, an actual out of body, astro projection- like experience.  Those are rare.  I need to listen to drumming again.

Vinnie, my cat from you-know-where managed to escape yesterday but I got him in my shaking a treat bag.  And attracting three other cats that hang around my door.  Then he came in and sat on my keyboard and did something that made the whole thing go from landscape view to portrait.  I could not figure out the keyboard strokes but had a pretty good idea how to fix it….it was just working on it was hard because I had to turn it sideways to see what I was doing.

He’s on probation.  Again.