Power Struggles

I haven’t been keeping this up as much as normal.   I feel drained of things to write about.   Pain, gastro issues….yadda, yadda.  I did see my GI person but it was at a different office, 20 minutes from me.  That’s a long way for me, even as a passenger.  Then they got me in for an ultrasound on my tummy and my bladder, but that was closer to home.  Pam was an absolute doll and stayed way past her time.  She even had another client and called her to make sure it would be okay.  Thankfully, she had no problem with it.  I’ve done that too, on rare occasions.  So, now we shall wait and see.

My pain doc’s nurse promised me my script would go out Tuesday but it’s Saturday and it’s not here.  This happens all the time.  I do have enough to last through Wednesday so it should be fine….IF she actually mailed it.  Once, when she promised me it was “in the mail” she had forgotten to mail it altogether…so five days was wasted tracking it down.  Luckily,  that time I had an appointment there so I just got it then.

I don’t know why she keeps putting me through this.   What difference does it make if she mails it early?  As long as it’s dated for the right time; the pharmacy won’t fill it otherwise.  It’s a power struggle and it’s ridiculous.  I’ve been going there for 15 years; they know me, they know I’m very, very conservative (to the point where they have gotten mad at me for not using my breakthrough meds)….and this time I actually was going to be out of them before the next dose.  And she was unhappy about that, of course. 

I get that they have many patients who do the opposite and who may be abusing and not really in pain…but I’m not one of them and they know it.  I keep getting worse, it would be nice if they would be less strict with me, but she has a way of lecturing and shaming so when she’s in that mode I just let her ramble, agree at the end and hang up.  I mean, she has also been remarkably supportive.  I guess she has many patients who try and pull things so it's an automatic response.   I'm very happy with the team so I guess I need to relax about these things.  When you are in the kind of pain I’m in, you really need to pick your battles or you’re never going to have a less painful day.

I haven’t been sleeping much at all and I never nap so it is getting very irritating.  I always unlock the front door about an hour before Pam gets here so if I don’t want to get up to answer the door, she can let herself in.  Well Friday she had a scare.  She was standing over me saying my name (she said five minutes but that couldn’t have been the case) and was freaking her out because I wasn’t responding.  I had been watching the end of some movie on Netflix (didn’t finish the night before) and I heard my name and kept wondering why the characters in the movie were calling me.  Talk about your deep sleeps!  It was the most restorative few minutes I had in a long time!!