Falling Chips

Had a doable day yesterday which makes me feel bad about my earlier chat with G-d.  However, I was really making a plea for help….and I got it the last couple days.  Make no mistake, the pain is not gone, but I got out of the house and went shopping with Pam without coming home in agony.

The trick is not to overdo when I’m feeling the pain drop to a “5” because that’s what I always do.  I just take advantage of feeling good and race around for a few hours then come home in tears.  Balance.  I have to go for balance.

It’s is gorgeous here right now but supposed to reach 90 the next couple days.  Way too hot for me but the blue skies and sunshine make for a better mental state.  Unless the pain blows up.  But, let’s not go there.

I had an appointment with a naturopath to talk about eating options but I cancelled it.  I should re-schedule, I know.  I don’t get what’s going on with me but I am not sure a naturopath can help.  I’m eating well, I’m getting the calories but I’m not gaining an ounce.  My theory is I’m burning way more calories than I think I am; the kind of pain I’m in takes a lot of energy out of me which is why those calories get burned.  I can’t do a darn thing about that…and if I eat too much?  Back on the constipation merry go round.

So I am going to just let it go and accept it.   When I’m not in pain, I eat a lot.  When I am in pain, I have to force myself to eat anything.  I tried Ensure again and it upset my stomach, even though it was supposed to be lactose free.  But I may keep drinking them.  Worrying about all this is another way I lose weight.  Stress can cause you to gain or to lose, and for me, it’s the latter.

I see all these ads for weight loss but not once have I seen a weight gain product or food delivery offer, and hundreds of thousands of people need to gain weight for the same reasons I do.  Ensure can’t be the only choice.  I mean, there are a lot of protein body building products as well, but all seem to have lactose, dairy, whey…things that back me up.  Sigh.

Letting go and letting the chips fall where they may seems the best thing to do.  Worrying solves nothing.

Cannot believe it's been 12 years.....