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Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Calming Influences

As I write this I am watching the Decorah Eagles who are back for 2015 thanks to a dedicated group of people in Decorah and around the country who have donated time and money and hard labor putting back what was sadly, broken.  The cameras came down in a storm, then the nest and then much to everyone’s anguish, the death of Bob Anderson, who made all this possible through the Raptor Resources Project.  It was an awesome effort that culminated in a “starter nest” which these beautiful majestic eagles have taken to.  They are currently making “nestorations” for the coming year so hopefully, we will have much to see (in high definition no less) this year.  I can’t wait.  The camera operators are unbelievable.  If you haven’ t done so, visit them at: and enjoy!  Right now, I’m watching them wrestle with sticks.

Between the live cam eagles and the real life squirrels and hummingbirds, I am entertained when I allow myself to relax into it and appreciate the things that I DO have.  It helps put the pain, frustration and anxiety in the background.  I’m listening to my bilateral music too…all these things help some, when I let it.  Letting it is always the challenge though.  It’s been a rough few days.  Anxiety is high, pain is high, panic is high and I’m not (high) LOL.  Not sure if the CBD is working much; hard to tell.  But I was without it for three days when the pipe broke and I was in a bit more pain during that time so maybe it is working.   I’d like to know how the eagles stay calm.  They have a rough life but they always look so proud, so happy to be alive and knowing what they have to do to survive does not include even a nanosecond of self-reflection or pity.    They would die if they stopped for a moment, and they know that innately.   Wish I could say I know it.

Last night was a bit better after a difficult day.  As I closed my eyes in bed, I gave thanks for it.  I said “thank you for the better evening” and as I did, I instantaneously heard (in my head, of course) “thank you for accepting it” and I kind of got that familiar jolt of understanding that my relationship with those who have passed is symbiotic in nature.  I just have to listen to the quiet and they are there for me.  My loved ones, G-d and my guides.  All of them.  All the time.  And I was reminded that it isn’t enough that I have a “good” day or a good hour; if I don’t accept it, if I am only aware of the pain and the challenges, I will never have a good moment.   Paying attention is essential.

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