Quagmire (with pudding)

The days of pulling myself out of the quagmire of pain feel relentless, each foot threatening to lead the next astray as I forge, then tiptoe, on ahead.  Astray from what I do not know.  One or two tolerable days and bam!  I’m in for weeks on end of endless torture.  Asking myself “how much more” is futile yet seemingly, unavoidable.   I’m trying to out of my head and stay away from the fear, but when the pain hits the fan like this….it’s near impossible.

I did get a call from a Reiki guy who does it long distance.  The last time, I felt my own hands grow warm as I put them in the appropriate positions (I have a level one Reiki certificate though I never do it.  Level one means you can do it on yourself) and felt relief almost instantly.  Then again, I was in bed and almost asleep.

Although it’s not warm, the humidity is high, and low pressure always makes the pain worse.  But I doubt moving to a dry climate would help, given all my support systems are here in rainy Seattle.  So I watch my hummingbirds live and my eagles per Webcam, reading, listening to music, watching movies, writing and trying not to …whatever.

Today the neuropathy has me by the short hairs.  It’s been that way for over a week.  Trying to eat and stay hydrated but it’s hard to remember to do so when it’s like this.  Then I read about people who have challenges even greater than mine and I spin downward.  Yikes.  I hate this and I hate that all my entries are so negative.  I go back and read some of more positive ones, back when I had enough “good” days to manage a positive outlook.

Two of my three nieces were just here for a visit; that always cheers me up!  Listening to their college stories and forcing them to listen to my antics back in the day…a gazillion years ago!  We laugh.  It helps.  And I just read a recipe for chocolate pudding made with avocadoes.   One of my helpers got me all the ingredients but the avocadoes aren’t quite ripe so we’ll try for tomorrow to make it.  Actually, I’m not a pudding person but it should be high in calories, which I need, so worth a shot.  Here it is, if you want it:

Ingredients
1/2 c. unsweetened cocoa powder
2 ripe avocados, pitted and peeled
1/4 c. skim milk
1 tsp. instant coffee or espresso
6 Tbsp. honey
1 tsp. vanilla extract
Orange zest, for garnish
Toasted coconut flakes, for garnish
Flaky sea salt, for garnish

Directions

Put avocados, honey, skim milk, cocoa powder, instant coffee and vanilla extract in a food processor. Blend until smooth.

Scoop pudding mix into a glass bowl and cover tightly with plastic wrap. Chill in the refrigerator for at least 30 minutes (up to overnight).

Once chilled, spoon into four bowls and garnish with toasted coconut, orange zest and sea salt.