Wednesday, August 27, 2014
My dad is still hanging on, though mostly sleeping or groggy or just out of it. I haven’t spoken to him in days. My brother and sister put the phone to his mouth so he could say hi a few days ago, but that hasn’t happened for a while. They are both burning the candle at both ends, taking care of him and their own lives.
I found alternate transportation to my MRI on Friday. Well, I’ll take a taxi there but a friend is picking me up. It’s all I have to offer in way of helping them. And the pain has been through the roof again, as have my GI issues, which have been tamed for months. I know it’s nerves and I’m working on that with prayer, meditation and essential oils. This morning for the first time in over a week, the pain is at about a 6 instead of the 8 or 9 it has been. I’m praying it stays that way for my MRI. And of course, I want to cancel the whole thing. But the purpose was to see if the tumors in my leg are operable.
I’m trying to take a page from my dad’s book on life. Keep fighting, kid. But all I wanted to do for the past few days is give up. Then my niece came by yesterday for a visit. She works at Crate and Barrel and I had mentioned all my juice glasses but one had broken and she brought me 4 great little juice glasses. We talked about life, about her upcoming semester in the South of France, books, her boyfriend and politics. She’s beautiful, smart and excited about life. I adore all my nieces and my nephew and talking to them is a joy. I need to remember that.
I may be participting in an NF project on coping with having NF. It’s a long project, and frankly, I think I do pretty well with coping. Not always, but nothing works all the time. I need to think more about filling in the forms (I’ve already been accepted; I applied a long time ago but forgot about since it is starting so late after I applied....October, I think).
And reading it yesterday, in the state of mind I was in, I thought “I’m not going to be around long enough to finish” But I’m always having those thoughts. When it gets miserable, I have to remember to just let go. As in, “Surrender, Idiot”
Good luck with that.
Posted by Sherri at 7:57 AM