My generous family bought me an air mattress to replace my
30 year old regular one….haven’t slept well for over a year and even with the
soft topper, I feel the tumors and keep waking up. The first night I slept uninterrupted for six
hours straight. And dozed for two more.
Of course the next night was back to not sleeping. I do need memory foam on top of the air
mattress so I’m ordering some from Amazon.
I’ve been giving a great deal of thought to these dang tumors.
I just turned 61, which means I have lived 222,075 days so far (adding in the
days since the 23rd). I don’t
know how that translates into per-diem tumor growth because I doubt that they
grow every day. But they are growing
now, and a whole lot faster than before.
And how many days have I left?
Who knows.
Pain is tormenting me lately. I don’t seem to have any good
days anymore. And the distractions are not working; I’m out of books and videos
for another two weeks until the Library on Wheels comes back. I got gift cards for Barnes and Noble for my
birthday but I can’t get there and when
I go online, I can’t find anything I want or if I do, I think, gee, I could
just get that out of the library.
Hopeless. I’m hopeless.
M help took a couple days off and they sent me a replacement
but only for a few hours on Friday and an hour on Monday. Took all my energy explaining where things
are, how things have to be done, etc. I
need to go to the store but likely won’t get there for five more days. I see my pain doc on Tuesday so she isn’t coming
that day either. My brother is taking
me. They can’t take me because it’s in a
different county. Frigging rules drive
me nuts.
I’m really freaked about this appointment.
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