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Monday, January 13, 2014

Control

Control.  We all want it or think we have it.  But in reality, the only control we have is how much orange juice to pour into our glass.  And maybe not even that, given the butterfly effect.  Sigh.

I was thinking of this because while in mind-numbing pain of late, my brain goes in many directions or sometimes, in one.  And lately I have been obsessing about that case I mentioned in the post below.  No names needed.  Anyway, I was thinking about the child’s mother, and how overwhelmed she must be (to say it lightly) with everyone from lawyers to doctors to the press and the public in general.  I do not envy her her situation.  But mostly, I do not envy her for the terrible blow that has landed on her poor soul.

And I ask myself this question.  Has anyone in her life ever taken her aside, shut all doors and just ask her to tell her/him about her daughter?   No mention of tonsils, illness, hospitals, lawyers or anything that led to this horror.   Just talk with her about her beautiful daughter with the infectious smile.   Omit nothing, Have her share everything she meant to her, still means and what she had planned for herself.  Let her talk herself blue in the face, but interrupt any mention of the issues that have grabbed on and won’t let go. 

Because in the opinion, and it is only that, comes from someone that, like most people on this planet, knows deep grief of her own, though not the loss of a child,.   For me, grieving could not begin until the clouds parted and I saw my life for what it is.   Filled with intractable, non-stop physical pain as well as tons of love .For her, she must begin to see that her daughter has most likely moved on.  If not, and if you believe in such things, she too is grieving.  For her mom.   But this should not be mentioned.  No guiling, no lecturing, no comparing who is right and who is wrong (because we do not know and I doubt we will ever know much of anything though we think we do) and no talk of anything except her daughter.  The one she will love for the rest of her life.  She also has another daughter who needs her.  I cannot begin to imagine what she must be feeling.  But part of it might be some serious questions.


There was this great line toward the end of that movie “Phenomenon” with John Travolta.  He had this experience that everyone thought meant he was visited by something from outside our solar system.  In truth, he had a tumor that caused the change in him.  He of course, fell in love, and just before he died he asked the woman if she would love him for the rest of his life.  “No,” she replied “I’ll love you for the rest of mine”

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