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Friday, June 7, 2013


Well, Pam’s news wasn’t good.  They misinformed her about the radiation.  Now they are talking about some invasive surgical procedure with a three week recovery.  I couldn’t understand what she was saying and I don’t know when I’ll see her again…her car is still down and out.  Man I feel awful for her.  I’ve only had three hours of services so far this month.  They got someone to help me for two more hours today, and she’ll be back tomorrow.  But it’s not the same.  It’s very difficult for me to separate my problems from Pam’s.  I care a lot about her but I wouldn’t have the help if I didn’t need it.

When everything breaks down at once; our bodies, our cars, our relationships….whatever it is, it can feel ghastly (Ted’s word….love it) out of proportion.  You feel like you’re running around with a big target on your back.  At least that’s how I feel when it happens.  And it happens with alarmingly regularity. I was talking with my (temporarily, I hope) new caregiver today (forget her name) about how time seems to move so much faster as we age.   Maybe I’ve seen a few too many movies about time and the space time continuum which seems to be a big theme in those shows, but it feels like it’s moving so fast it’s going to meet up with the past and then perhaps we’ll have another big bang.  Or maybe it’s happening all the time and we just don’t know it.   And the only way to deal with the shifting realities is to perceive it as time moving faster.  Move over Hawking, eh?   Am I right or am I right?  Lol.

The person they sent to help me is nice enough (Marti)  but since she only ferried me around so I haven’t really had a chance to see how we work together.  She’s been doing this for 12 years though, so I assume she’s good.  If I need her regularly, she only can work afternoons and that might not work for me.  We shall see.

Rain must be coming because I’m in horrible pain; have been since yesterday afternoon.  My insurance did cover the Lyrica my pain doc wanted me to try so I took my first dose this morning.  Once a day, that one.  I hope it helps the Neurontin help me.  Sheesh.

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