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Sunday, August 23, 2015

New Eyes

My relationship with pain has changed over the past six weeks or so.  It started with that session I had with Divanna, my healer and acupuncturist.  That was the one when she coached me into saying (“with love” was my addition) “With love, I give back the pain that was given to me (with love) for this incarnation”.  When I repeat those words, along with “I am loved, there is no fear” which I got from listening to  Eben Alexander on YouTube and from reading his books “Proof of Heaven” and “Map of Heaven”.  Whew.

Also, I have been listening to Bilateral Stimulation music from David Grand and my new favorite, Jorge Henderson Collazo (on YouTube and I purchased five because it’s cheap and easier to access) with headphones.  The headphones are necessary to get the full effect of the bilateral stimulation.  It’s much like eye movement therapy, which helps people who have had a trauma or a chronic condition; really helps for those with PTS and so forth.  I highly recommend it.

Is the pain still there?  Yes, it is.  Do I still have times when it feels like agony?  Yes, of course.  But when I go into “I am loved” mode, it becomes tolerable.  And I have a lot of challenges coming up so I’ll need the support.  I am having cataract surgery on September 28 and so far, have no way to get there because it’s early in the morning and my regular help can’t do it then.  And I have to go back early the next morning so they can check it.  The procedure itself is at the doctor’s office and only 15 minutes (but a total of three hours for prep, etc.) and no general anesthesia.  But the doctor saw the list of my meds and doesn’t want to give me ANYTHING because he needs me to be awake.  I haven’t told him all this stuff doesn’t make me sleepy but I think I’ll just toke up before I go.  He said there was no pain so I’m not really worried about it.  And I’ll find a ride.

See, these are the things that challenge my relationship with pain.  Six weeks ago, I’d have been worrying about all this and getting all stressed out right up until the surgery, which is a month away yet.  Now, I use the bilateral technique along with the words I say (and I don’t just repeat them over and over without meaning; I wait until it really sinks in and until I feel my body let it is and relax.  I would like to take the music with me but I don’t have anything except the IPad.  It’s not even on it and I don’t know how to get it on it.  I just go to YouTube with the iPad.  What I bought is on my laptop.  Not sure if I can access there Wi-Fi while I’m there.  But I’d love to listen to it while they are doing the surgery.

So I’ll keep practicing the relaxation and looking for the right person to take me (I’ll call the supervisor next week and let her know I’m needing someone else for that date if I don’t hear back from the people I’m checking with) and I’m sure it will be fine.  The stupid eye drops (three different ones, all with different directions over a four week period) would normally send me over the moon too.  Very confusing and I’ll have one less eye to read the directions during that time.    But in the end, I’ll go back to the optometrist and get a new prescription and I’ll be able to read again!!!  I miss it like crazy!!!  New eyes, both literally and figuratively

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