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Tuesday, September 9, 2014

MRI Results

I finally got a call from my doctor about the MRI I had 11 days ago.   I am always amazed at the answer, because the symptoms are always worsening.  But he said there was “no major” changes and nothing in the brain in the way of tumors.  But a friend of mine whose daughter has NF and a lot of the same issues I have, told me her daughter's pain doctor told her that even though the tumors might not grow, when they sit on the nerve sheath for years on end they eat away at the sheath itself, thus causing increased pain when the tumors touch the nerve.  Good to know!

It was frustrating because I know I wasn’t in the MRI anywhere near as long as they said I would be so it makes me wonder.  I questioned him about it, asking if he was sure they got it all.  He was.  He also said the ones in my leg may be operable, and a doctor at another clinic (but still with the UWMC) will be calling me to set up an appointment.  Of course, he is not sure whether or not removing the ones that are hurting so bad will actually help with the pain.  My other leg hurts too, but I am not sure they imaged that.

I am exhausted, depressed and still grieving, of course.  And I’m not sure if the news makes me feel better or worse.

I just watched this movie on the life of Stephen Hawking.  Talk about your fighters.  It was amazing and made me feel petty and small about my constant complaints regarding my challenges.  I’m in constant pain, it’s true.  Little helps relieve it, that’s true too.  But I can walk and talk….though driving is coming to an end, I think.  I’m not in a wheelchair, I don’t need nursing care and I can type on my computer.  Still, it’s hard not to gripe.  Something I need to work on.

Do I want to put myself through a surgery that may or may not help with the pain?  I guess I need to talk with the surgeon first.  I’m scared.  I’m always scared.  And living in fear of what might happen is no way to live.


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