Word Salad

I’ve been struggling with words lately.  Or the lack of them thereof.  At least words that make sense to my drug infested brain (all of which I’d flush down the toilet in a heartbeat if not for this unbearable pain….I’m writing this part for any new readers who may not know of all the things I do in addition to just popping pills….and there are many.  Read other entries if interested).  I’ve been wanting to write another post, but all I have in my head is word salad.  Too much news again.  So let’s skip that, eh?

I have been having some stunning visual and audio experiences through meditation, dreams and prayer.  The pain has been stunning, the darkness of the short days difficult for me to get through (always has been) and generally, I’m just flat-out depressed.  The CBD doesn’t work so well anymore, I’m having trouble finding help over the holiday period (or the case manager having trouble finding a replacement for the two helpers who are taking a few weeks off) and the only happy creatures near me is the squirrel and his buddies, the sparrows and the hummingbirds.

My family has visited over the holiday as well as a good friend I met through this blog.  That was great.  Indian food as opposed to turkey.  Not a big turkey fan, though my sister brought over an awesome turkey sandwich from this incredible shop she goes to for such things along with a slice of chocolate cake that was beyond delicious.  Whew.  My brother and his family are off to Hawaii, my sister’s youngest is on her way home from a semester in Eastern Europe (and with all the unrest it was scary for those of us waiting for her to return) and her oldest is getting ready for 10 days in Haiti on a humanitarian trip; it’s what she wants to do.  Public health in faraway places.

My nephew (brother’s son) is still working his tail off to get Carbon Washington on the ballot (to lower emissions output) and their daughter is still trying to decide whether or not to pursue law.  So long as she’s on the right side of it (the law) I’m all for it!  Not that my opinion matters.  Man, I feel old, listening to their life stories at this point.

I’m listening to banging all around me because their having our windows all replaced with energy efficient ones.  It’s cold and rainy and the windows will be off most of the day tomorrow.  I’ve been watching them to the other ones; takes a long time.  I just cancelled my morning help because I will have to barricade myself in my bedroom so they can do the living room first (I will tell them that’s how they have to do it) and then switch in the afternoon so they can do the bedroom and I’ll have help here with me in the living room.  Yikes.   I may have to do a marijuana run.