Just Stuff 2

My generous family bought me an air mattress to replace my 30 year old regular one….haven’t slept well for over a year and even with the soft topper, I feel the tumors and keep waking up.  The first night I slept uninterrupted for six hours straight.  And dozed for two more.

Of course the next night was back to not sleeping.  I do need memory foam on top of the air mattress so I’m ordering some from Amazon.

I’ve been giving a great deal of thought to these dang tumors. I just turned 61, which means I have lived 222,075 days so far (adding in the days since the 23^rd).  I don’t know how that translates into per-diem tumor growth because I doubt that they grow every day.  But they are growing now, and a whole lot faster than before.  And how many days have I left?  Who knows.

Pain is tormenting me lately. I don’t seem to have any good days anymore. And the distractions are not working; I’m out of books and videos for another two weeks until the Library on Wheels comes back.  I got gift cards for Barnes and Noble for my birthday  but I can’t get there and when I go online, I can’t find anything I want or if I do, I think, gee, I could just get that out of the library.  Hopeless.  I’m hopeless.

M help took a couple days off and they sent me a replacement but only for a few hours on Friday and an hour on Monday.   Took all my energy explaining where things are, how things have to be done, etc.   I need to go to the store but likely won’t get there for five more days.  I see my pain doc on Tuesday so she isn’t coming that day either.  My brother is taking me.  They can’t take me because it’s in a different county.  Frigging rules drive me nuts.

I’m really freaked about this appointment.